I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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