I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
