All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
