i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
