Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
