The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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