Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
