did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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