In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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