I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
