My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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