Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
