We named our party play list daddy issues
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is the high leading the old right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
