I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
