You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
