Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize