So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You left your phone here
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