I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
