I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
