New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
