Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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