make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
