The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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