his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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