Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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