mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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