We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
