I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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