I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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