I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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