No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
