Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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