Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
