You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize