Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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