I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
