forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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