Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
