Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
