it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
