Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
