You're my little dorito
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
