What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
