Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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