Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
