if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
