He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
