Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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