I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
