he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
