bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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