Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
