haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
