Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
