you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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