RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
