Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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