We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
