I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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