you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize