I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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