I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
