Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
