I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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