I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
