I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
