I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
