I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
