I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
