I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
