I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
