I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We need to get me chipped asap
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